Freddy's Personal Blog

Robert Frost’s ideal man.

Robert Frost circa 1910

Robert Frost had a view of men that is quite different then what is believed today in my opinion. When looking at some of his writings whats seen are the good qualities that every man should have. Qualities that hopefully all men still strive for. Instead of showing just negatives in his poems men are imperfect but striving to be better. What is Robert Frost’s ideal man?

Home Burial, a poem written by Mr. Frost that reads like a scene from an epic movie, details an intense time in the life of a married couple. Their child’s death and burial in the back yard cemetery by the father is not the focus of the poem but the dynamics of the couple’s relationship and its slow slide into ruin takes center stage. The husband shows an eagerness to share the grief that he and his wife are going through but his wife is not willing to share the grief as illustrated here:

“He saw her from the bottom of the stairs / Before she saw him. She was starting down, / Looking back over her shoulder at some fear. / She took a doubtful step and then undid it / To raise herself and look again. He spoke / Advancing toward her: “What is it you see / From up there always?—for I want to know.” / She turned and sank upon her skirts at that, / And her face changed from terrified to dull (1-9).”

Here we see her hide her grief after peering at the burial place of her child. After the husband looks through the window and realizes what his wife sees she quickly leaves his side and races off when he begins to talk about their child. Based on what next is spoken we see that he wanted to talk about his child but his wife has not given him the opportunity. He says “Can’t a man speak of his own child he’s lost (37)?”, to which she replies “Not you! … I don’t know rightly whether any man can (38-40).”

I believe that one of the characteristics of Frost’s ideal man is that he needs to be in tune with his emotions and be able to talk about them.

 Another ideal characteristic that Frost shows a man should have is the willingness to learn to communicate. As an example let’s look at the dialogue after his wife says that she does not think that any man can understand the grief with losing a child:

“Amy! Don’t go to someone else this time. / Listen to me. I won’t come down the stairs.” / He sat and fixed his chin between his fists. / “There’s something I should like to ask you, dear.” / “You don’t know how to ask it.” / “Help me, then (41-45).”

Help me then. This is a powerful statement that should not be taken lightly especially because of the context in which it is said. The husband is grieving, the wife is running off to share her grief with someone else again and he wants her to teach him how he should speak that would make her feel better. Good communication is very important in a relationship but yet is so hard to accomplish. In this poem communication in the marriage is broken but the husband is willing to keep working at it.

The last characteristic that I will mention is patience. When reading the poem an understanding that this argument has been happening over and over comes through. The wife has been running away from her husband, unwilling to share her grief with him and unwilling to heal with him. Despite the wife treating the husband as if he has no feelings or a care about their dead child the husband keeps trying to share his grief and his love. At one point on line 68 the husband shares with her how he does not understand how she could throw away their love with her inconsolable grieving. This of course sets her off even more because the last thing she wants to feel is love. Instead she wants wallow in her grief without her husband.  Though the poem does not mention of what the child died of it seems that the mother is feeling some guilt, and becuase the husband does not grieve in the same manner they have grown apart.

Robert Frost is an incredible poet that writes poems that bring out feelings as if seeing an intense scene in an epic movie. In the poem Home Burial Mr. Frost show’s an example of what characteristics an ideal man should have. He does not weave a perfect man into the story but definitely let’s shine some great characteristics in the role of the husband. A husband that is in tune with his emotions and can talk about them, a good caring communicator and one of the most important characteristics, patience. These characteristics are timeless just like Frost’s poem.

Robert Frost’s   “Home Burial”